Getting Out of Life’s Quicksand:Moving from Stagnant to Stepping Forward

The Quicksand Feeling

There are seasons in life when you feel like you are moving, hustling, and growing, and then there are the seasons when you feel stuck, like your feet are planted in quicksand while everyone else around you is sprinting ahead. It is that strange, frustrating space where you know you are capable, you know you have accomplished things, but the energy to push forward just is not there. You scroll through your phone and see people launching businesses, buying houses, celebrating milestones, and meanwhile you are staring at the same wall wondering: Why am I still here?

And then impostor syndrome sometimes sneaks in, that quiet, nagging voice that says maybe you are not good enough, or that your wins do not really count. It is a lie, but when you are already feeling stuck, it can feel louder than the truth.

The reality is, no one is removed from this feeling. We all hit points of stagnation, whether we admit it or not. What makes each of us unique is not whether we ever get stuck, but which tools we reach for when it happens, and how we use them to pull ourselves back onto solid ground.

Why We Get Stuck

Psychologists often describe stagnation as a period when growth feels paused, not because we lack talent or worth, but because transitions and uncertainty can be overwhelming. Researchers even use the term liminal space, a threshold between what was and what is next, where we have not fully stepped into the new chapter yet.

And woven into that is impostor syndrome. It is not just self-doubt, it is the nagging belief that you are a fraud, even when your accomplishments prove otherwise. You land the job, earn the degree, raise the children, build the business, but inside you are waiting for someone to tap you on the shoulder and say, “You don’t really belong here.” For Black women, that weight can be even heavier. Too often, our achievements are minimized by systemic racism, sexism, or stereotypes that suggest we have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously.

So when you are already feeling stuck, impostor syndrome can make the quicksand feel deeper, tricking you into believing your wins do not count or your efforts are not enough. But here is the truth: being stuck is a season, not a sentence. The difference lies in which tools we reach for, whether support, reflection, community, or courage, and how we use them to step forward.

Life Stages of Feeling Stuck

Being stuck does not look the same for everyone, it shifts with the seasons of our lives.

• New Graduates: You thought you had it figured out, only to realize adulthood does not come with a manual. Bills, job applications, and expectations can feel crushing, and impostor syndrome shows up quick.

• Early Career and Young Adults: You are working hard but wonder if you are in the right lane. You see peers climbing faster or doing “better,” and it makes you question yourself.

• Parents and Empty Nesters: The kids are grown and gone. Now what? Your days are quieter, and suddenly you are face to face with your own dreams and fears.

• Midlife and Beyond: Maybe you have resigned, retired, or been let go from a job. Maybe health or relationships have shifted. You wonder, What is next for me?

And layered across all these stages is the way mistakes weigh on us. One misstep can make us second guess not just our intentions but our ability to get it right again. Over time, those doubts can chip away at our confidence. Yet confidence is key to getting unstuck. If you believe you will never move forward, you start to operate like you are permanently stuck. But when you practice acting like freedom is possible, even in small ways, you remind yourself that stuckness is temporary, and that momentum can be rebuilt.

At every stage, feeling stuck does not mean you have failed, it just means life is asking you to reimagine your next chapter.

How to Get Unstuck

Getting out of life’s quicksand does not usually happen with one giant leap, it happens through small, intentional steps that remind us movement is still possible. Confidence and momentum build one choice at a time.

• Name It: I personally get hung up on this step, because naming it means I am admitting to myself that I am ready to be unstuck. And sometimes, if I name it, I feel halfway to saving myself. A lot of us want to sit in the funk for a bit. We want to mope, to feel sad, because we are just tired. But that is why naming it matters. It puts us in motion, even if it is uncomfortable.

• Reframe Mistakes: Mistakes can make us second guess everything. For me, reframing looks like asking: What am I learning not to repeat? Who am I learning to stop asking advice from, or to start asking advice from? Where can I improve? Those tough questions do not erase the mistake, but they transform it into data for growth.

• Act As If: I think this is where I struggle the most, and where a lot of people do. Acting as if forces us to be different, to step into a new version of ourselves. And sometimes we are scared to win, because winning means taking the victory lap and owning the responsibility that comes with it. But a win is a win, no matter how big or small. Celebrate it, speak it out loud, and then set yourself up for another.

• Set Small Wins: Progress does not come from giant leaps, it comes from pebbles. One updated résumé section, one phone call, one application. Stack those small victories, and before you know it, you have built momentum.

• Move Your Body, Shift Your Mind: Exercise is medicine, but I will be real, the hardest part is doing it the first time. I literally have to drag myself to the gym when I am stuck. But once I get there and push through weight training, my mood shifts. It does not matter if it is a walk, a stretch, or dancing in your living room, just move. The body pulls the mind along.

• Reconnect with Community: When I connect with friends and family, it snaps me out of myself. It lets me escape my own reality for a bit and just be part of the community, laughing, venting, or being with my ride or dies. Sometimes that is the reset you need.

• Seek Guidance: Therapy matters. I know not everyone has easy access, but it is worth trying to find someone who works with your insurance, or if you have a little extra, investing in a therapist who fits your needs. And if therapy is not possible right now, find someone safe to release your thoughts to. Do not bottle it up.

We got this. We can get unstuck. It is a process, and sometimes the hardest part is believing the process works. But if you take one small step at a time, eventually you will look up and realize, you are moving forward.

Helping Others Out of the Quicksand

Sometimes it is not us, but the people we love who feel stuck. And let me tell you, watching someone you care about sink into that quicksand is hard. Our first instinct is often to “fix it” for them, but the truth is, you cannot pull anyone out of stuckness if they are not ready to move. What you can do is be a hand to hold, a steady voice, a safe space.

I have learned that sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is, “I see you.” Not, “Here’s what you should do.” Not, “You’ll get over it.” Just, “I see you.” Because when you are stuck, you already feel invisible. Recognition can feel like oxygen. Research backs this up, studies show that strong social support networks are one of the biggest protective factors against self-doubt and depression. Simply knowing that someone cares reduces feelings of isolation and increases resilience.

Practical help can go a long way too. Offer to look over a résumé, share job leads, send an encouraging text, or even just sit in silence with someone. I know when I have been in those moments, it was not the big advice that helped, it was knowing someone cared enough to check in, to remind me that being stuck was not the end of my story.

And just like with ourselves, patience matters. People move at their own pace. Research on learned helplessness suggests that when people doubt their ability to change, they often need consistent reminders of their strengths before they start to believe it themselves. Sometimes the best gift we can give is consistency, continuing to show up, continuing to remind them that they do not have to climb out of the quicksand alone.

From Quicksand to Solid Ground

Stuckness feels heavy, but it is not forever. You are not behind. You are not failing. You are simply in transition. Research shows that people who reframe challenges as opportunities for growth are more likely to regain momentum and experience long term resilience. That means the quicksand you are in today could be the ground you stand stronger on tomorrow.

Writing these blog articles is actually “unsticking” me right now. It has been therapeutic, and I get to use the same tools I am sharing with you. I am “write” here with you all, and I thank you for being my release. I know what the process is, and I too need to trust it.

I have had moments where the weight felt endless, but every time I pushed, pulled, or even crawled forward, I found myself on steadier ground than before. And I know this: if I can get unstuck, so can you.

So if you are feeling stagnant, unmotivated, or unproductive, know this: you are not alone, and you are not broken. The quicksand may feel real, but you already have the tools, and the community, to climb your way out.

Movement may be slow, and confidence may take time, but every small act is proof that you are not sinking, you are still rising.

References

• Erikson, E. H. (1997). The Life Cycle Completed. Extended Version. Norton & Co.

• Turner, V. (1969). The Ritual Process: Structure and Anti-Structure. Aldine.

• Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The Impostor Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice.

• Peteet, B. J., Montgomery, L., & Weekes, J. C. (2015). Clinical and Theoretical Considerations of the Impostor Phenomenon. Journal of Multicultural Counseling and Development.

• Bernard, D. L., Lige, Q. M., Willis, H. A., Sosoo, E. E., & Neblett, E. W. (2017). Impostor Phenomenon and Mental Health: The Influence of Racial Discrimination and Gender. Journal of Counseling Psychology.

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior. Springer.

• Festinger, L. (1954). A Theory of Social Comparison Processes. Human Relations.

• Journal of Health and Social Behavior (2010). Studies on social support and resilience.

• Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being. Free Press.

• Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Harper & Row.

Malene Brissett is a wife, mother, and advocate for equity who writes as her own form of therapy. She holds a Master’s degree in Public Health and a Bachelor of Science in Psychology, blending research with storytelling to spark conversations that matter. She prides herself on being with the women, for the women—bringing equity and understanding to underserved communities.