Confidence, Currency & The Purse We Carry

Where confidence meets currency

What’s in the Purse?

My relationship with money has always been “so-so.” Not because I didn’t have access to it, but because I didn’t grow up with the language or tools to truly understand how money works or how to make it work for me. My parents were young and newly married when they had me. They were hopeful, ambitious Jamaicans who came to Brooklyn chasing opportunity, carrying with them dreams of building a good life for their family. At the time, they lived in downtown Brooklyn—though it looked nothing like the bustling, high-rise hub it is today. Back then, the neighborhood was filled with immigrants and working-class families of color who, like my parents, were doing their best to get by. They rented a modest apartment, the kind of place you fill with laughter and struggle in equal measure. And like so many young couples, their dream was simple: move somewhere “better” to raise a family. So they did. What they couldn’t see then was that the very apartment they left behind might one day hold the key to financial stability and generational wealth. In the late 1970s, redlining and housing discrimination were still shaping who could own property, where mortgages were approved, and which families were given the chance to build equity. Those systemic barriers limited the choices available to people like my parents, and in many ways, shaped their financial story.

Fast forward to today, that same building they once rented now has apartments listed at $1,800–$2,600 a month, with purchase options ranging between $250,000–$400,000. Woulda, shoulda, coulda—that’s the sentiment they carry now. If they had been able to pair their ambition with financial knowledge and access, their path might have looked very different.

And that’s really where my own story with money begins. Not in lack, but in lessons. Lessons about what happens when opportunity meets barriers. Lessons about how financial literacy and foresight are just as valuable as the money itself. Lessons that remind me today that empowerment starts with understanding what’s in the purse and, more importantly, how to use it.

The Emotional Weight of Money

For so many of us, money carries more than just numbers on a bank statement. It carries memories, emotions, and sometimes even shame. In my family, money was always about survival, not strategy. My parents worked hard, stretched what they had, and made sure we had what we needed. But the bigger conversations—the ones about investing, equity, or how to make money grow—were not part of our daily language. At the same time, I have to highlight what my parents did well and how I appreciate hearing about and seeing their efforts. They were semi-traditionalists, and while that style doesn’t work for everyone, it worked for them in that moment. My father worked and literally handed his paycheck to my mom. She managed the household finances—paid the bills, bought the groceries, clothed us (and yes, made sure my dad stayed sharp and in fashion, lol)—and then gave him back some “change” for himself. My mom also worked, but her income was used for the fun things we all enjoyed as a family. It was a system. We saved for things we needed, paid debts up front, and made sure the essentials were always covered.

Was it the perfect way to make money work for them long-term? No. But it was functional, and it kept our household running. Today, financial experts often encourage couples to look at money more collaboratively, combining transparency with joint goals and individual autonomy. Research shows that couples who talk openly about money, set shared priorities, and still maintain some personal financial independence tend to experience less stress and more stability in their relationships. What my parents modeled for me is that money is never just about bills or budgets—it’s about trust, partnership, and even intimacy. Their financial system wasn’t the golden standard, but it was their standard. And if they had approached money differently—maybe with more long-term planning or investment knowledge—the system might have set them up differently. Still, it taught me that how families handle money is deeply tied to their values, their relationships, and the tools they have access to.

This is why our relationship with money can feel so complicated. On one hand, we’re told to be strong, independent, and resourceful. On the other, we carry the pressure of making ends meet with less, while trying to create more for the next generation. And when you add in the emotional side—self-doubt, fear of failure, or the urge to “treat yourself” just to feel relief—it’s pretty easy to see how money becomes tied not just to survival, but to identity. For me, the hardest part hasn’t been the actual dollars. It’s been the confidence. Confidence in knowing which financial decisions will secure stability. Confidence in bouncing back after a mistake. Confidence in trusting that I don’t have to have it all figured out to take the next step. That’s the emotional weight of money—it’s heavy, but it’s also where empowerment begins.

Confidence Meets Currency

Before we can make money work for us, we have to believe that we are capable of managing it. That may sound simple, but confidence is often the missing link in financial empowerment. For years, I thought financial literacy was only about numbers, budgets, and credit scores. What I have come to realize is that it begins with mindset. If you don’t believe you can handle money, it doesn’t matter how much you make—you’ll always feel like you’re chasing stability instead of creating it.

If you’re Caribbean, you’ve probably used or heard the term “vex money.” It’s the cultural equivalent of “rainy day money,” usually given as just-in-case advice. The idea is simple: never leave home without enough money to get back safely, to cover yourself if someone lets you down, or to handle a financial obligation that someone else promised to cover. On one hand, vex money is empowering—it says, “I can take care of myself if I have to.” But on the other hand, it can also create tension, especially in relationships. When someone finds out you’ve stashed your own security fund, it can feel like you don’t trust them to care for you financially. That tug-of-war—between autonomy and trust—is something many of us navigate in our financial lives.

Building financial confidence means learning how to balance those feelings. It means allowing yourself to be both a learner and a decision-maker. It’s budgeting without shame. It’s saying “I deserve to save and invest” without guilt. It’s not letting a past financial mistake define how you handle your future. For me, confidence has come in small steps: asking questions I once felt embarrassed to ask, reading articles that broke things down in plain language, and talking openly with trusted people about what I didn’t know. Research shows that financial confidence often predicts financial behavior more strongly than financial knowledge alone. In other words, knowing how to manage money is important, but believing you can is what pushes you to act on that knowledge. For Black women, this confidence can be life-changing. It means charging what we’re worth, negotiating salaries, saving consistently, and being bold enough to explore investing—even when those spaces don’t always reflect us. Confidence doesn’t mean perfection. It means taking the first step, trusting yourself in the process, and celebrating the progress as it comes. Because when confidence meets currency, you are not just surviving—you are building freedom, power, and legacy.

Breaking Cycles, Building Legacies

One thing I know for sure: we pass down what we know. For many of us, that looked like being told to “save for a rainy day” or keep a little vex money tucked away, just in case. Those lessons had power. They taught us resilience, independence, and the importance of never being caught unprepared. But legacy is bigger than just surviving the storm—it’s about creating systems so that the next generation doesn’t have to weather it the same way we did. In a lot of households, conversations about money stopped at “don’t waste it” or “stretch what you have.” Rarely did they go into credit scores, retirement accounts, or investments. That silence wasn’t about neglect—it was about access. If you’ve been excluded from financial systems, how do you teach your children to navigate them? So instead, we inherited survival habits without the strategies for growth.

However, breaking cycles means adding new layers to those old lessons. It’s still wise to keep vex money in your purse, but it’s also wise to learn how that same money could be working for you in a savings account, a stock portfolio, or even a side business. It’s about teaching our kids not just how to earn money, but how to make money multiply. It’s about making sure our elders don’t struggle alone in retirement because no one showed them how to protect what they earned. Part of financial protection is knowing how to handle lending. One of the most common ways money gets lost in families is through loans that never come back. The truth is that we lend because we love, but love without boundaries can drain us. Studies show that most people who lend to friends or family aren’t repaid in full, and nearly half say it damaged the relationship. That’s why we need to teach the next generation that lending isn’t just about generosity—it’s about clarity. If you lend, decide upfront: Am I okay if this money never returns? If not, it may be better to say no. If yes, then set repayment expectations early so that trust isn’t broken later.Another option might be: instead of lending, create together. If you truly want to build with friends or family, try investing in something collectively—a piece of land, a building, a product, or a small business.

When everyone has equal skin in the game, you share both the risk and the reward. That shifts the energy from potential resentment to mutual growth, and it creates a legacy that can benefit more than one household. For me, building legacy is about more than dollars; it is about modeling financial confidence. Every day, I am working on my own relationship with money. I want my sons to see me budgeting, saving, and being honest about the mistakes I make along the way. Transparency is not always easy; sometimes it feels uncomfortable to admit when I have missed the mark. But I try to pivot quickly, to show them how even missteps can become lessons when you turn the outcome into something positive. I remind them often that money is more than what you spend; it is about how you manage it, protect it, and grow it. I encourage them to learn about credit, investing, and entrepreneurship so they have tools I had to figure out the hard way. And just as important, I show them that love does not mean draining yourself financially. Legacy is not just about leaving money behind; it is about passing forward the confidence and the knowledge to build a stronger future.

Practical Tools for Purse Empowerment

Empowerment starts with mindset, but it also requires tools. The way we handle money in our day-to-day lives matters just as much as the big financial goals we set for the future. These are some of the practices I lean on, and ones I believe can help all of us create stability and growth.

Budget with intention. A budget is not about restriction; it is about clarity. I have learned that when I track where my money is going, I feel more in control, and that control builds confidence. Even when unexpected expenses come up, a budget gives me a roadmap for how to respond instead of reacting out of fear.

Recognize financial abuse. Not every financial struggle comes from poor decisions; sometimes it comes from unhealthy relationships. Financial abuse can look like someone controlling all the money, hiding resources, or limiting your access to accounts. Naming it matters, because when you can see it, you can begin to take steps to protect yourself. For women, especially Black women, this is not just about survival; it is about safety and dignity.

Invest in yourself. One of the most valuable things I have learned is that sometimes the best investment is not in stocks or property, but in me. Taking a course, learning a new skill, or even giving myself the space to rest and reset has paid me back in confidence and opportunities. It reminds me that I am the driver of my own financial future.

Exercise your money muscles. Just like physical exercise builds strength, financial habits build stability. Saving a little each week, setting aside emergency funds, or contributing to retirement may not feel dramatic in the moment, but over time they add up. I remind myself often that consistency is the real power of money management.

Build community wealth. Money does not have to be a solo journey. Whether it is joining a savings group, pooling resources to start a business, or supporting community credit unions, we are stronger when we move together. I have seen firsthand how collaboration creates opportunities that would not exist if we tried to do it alone.

Seek help when needed. There is no shame in asking for guidance. Financial advisors, community programs, or even apps that break things down in plain language can help us see new possibilities. I remind myself that the smartest move I can make sometimes is asking for help instead of trying to carry it all by myself.

From Scarcity to Abundance Mindset

One of the most powerful shifts in financial empowerment is moving from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. Scarcity tells us, “There is never enough.” It breeds fear—fear of spending, fear of losing, fear that tomorrow won’t come with provision. When fear drives our decisions, we play small, hold too tightly, and avoid growth. Abundance, however, does not mean ignoring the real challenges. It means trusting that opportunities can exist, that setbacks are temporary, and that money can flow without defining our worth. As financial expert Suze Orman reminds us: “Abundance is about being rich, with or without money.” That simple yet profound idea reframes wealth as a mindset first, not just a number in an account.

I've caught myself slipping into scarcity thinking more than once. Sometimes it sounds like, “I can’t afford to do this, so why even try?” or “If I spend this, I’ll never get it back.” What helps me shift is gratitude. When I focus on what is present—what bills I was able to pay, what goals I’ve already met, what doors have opened—I see money not as an enemy but as a partner. In behavioral economics research you'll see that people who adopt an abundance mindset are more likely to take healthy financial risks, like saving, investing, or starting a business, because they are not operating from fear. That mindset shift is powerful because it reframes money as a tool for growth instead of a constant reminder of limits. Choosing abundance is a daily practice, and it's not always easy because of circumstances and environment. I'm clearly in agreement that this is easier said than done, but it is truly in how we talk to ourselves about money, how we teach our children about value, and how we decide what to build together. Scarcity may whisper “not enough,” but abundance reminds us that we can always create more—with knowledge, with confidence, and with community.

When Money Becomes a Weapon: Understanding Financial Abuse

Not every relationship with money is about saving, budgeting, or planning for the future. Sometimes, money gets twisted into a tool of control. That’s what financial abuse looks like. It’s when someone limits your access to money, hides resources, forces you to account for every penny, or keeps opportunities away from you so that you remain dependent. Financial abuse can show up in small ways that don’t always get recognized: not letting a partner work, putting everything in their name, draining joint accounts without discussion, or making “allowances” instead of sharing finances equally. For some, it’s being shut out of decisions about bills, savings, or investments. For others, it’s the lack of opportunity—being told “you don’t need school,” or “you don’t need that job,” when really it’s about control, not care.

The impact runs deep and without access to money, people often feel trapped, unable to leave unhealthy relationships, or unable to pursue opportunities that could change their lives. But support is out there. Organizations like the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) and the National Domestic Violence Hotline identify financial abuse as one of the most common forms of abuse—present in 99% of abusive relationships. Many local nonprofits also offer financial literacy workshops, housing assistance, and job training as tools to rebuild independence.

Finding the Silver Lining

Even in the face of financial abuse, progress is possible. Sometimes it starts with the smallest steps—setting aside a few dollars when you can, learning the basics of credit, or opening an account in your own name. Each step builds not just financial security, but confidence. Another way forward is learning how to conserve money in ways that ease stress: cooking at home instead of eating out, cutting down unused subscriptions, swapping childcare or services with friends and family, or shopping secondhand. These aren’t just cost-saving strategies—they’re reminders that your resourcefulness is a strength. Something that often gets overlooked often is an ability for reinvesting in yourself. Taking a free class, dusting off a hobby that can bring in a little income, or exploring an interest you once put aside can lift your spirits and sometimes even grow into a side hustle. When you pour energy into your own development, you’re not just stretching your dollar; you’re reclaiming your power.

This is actually the silver lining: you don’t have to have it all figured out at once. You just have to start. Little by little, building financial independence creates a path out of control and into empowerment. With each small victory, you remind yourself that you are capable, you are worthy, and your purse is yours to carry.

Carrying the Purse Forward

A purse is never just an accessory; it carries what we need to make it through the day. In the same way, financial empowerment carries us through the seasons of life. It is not about having all the answers; it is about building confidence, practicing discipline, and creating systems that honor both our independence and our community. I am still on this journey myself. Some days I feel like I have it figured out, and other days I stumble. But every time I choose to budget, save, or talk openly about money, I am moving closer to empowerment. And every time I share these lessons with my sons, I know I am planting seeds that will grow into something bigger than me.

Purse empowerment and financial confidence building is about more than surviving; it is about thriving. It is about breaking cycles of silence, creating healthier conversations around money, and building legacies that last. It is about shifting from “just enough” to “more than enough,” not only for ourselves but for the generations to come.

So as you read the words off the screen and had some time to absorb them, I invite you to check in with yourself. What does your purse carry? Is it heavy with fear and scarcity, or is it filled with tools, confidence, and vision? And most importantly—what small step can you take today to make your purse lighter, stronger, and more empowering for tomorrow?

Because when we secure the purse, we secure the future.

References

• Federal Reserve (2021). Historical Perspectives on Redlining and Housing Discrimination.

• National Women’s Law Center (2023). The Wage Gap and Black Women.

• American Psychological Association (2023). Couples and Money: Financial Communication and Relationship Health.

• Pew Research Center (2019). Lending Money to Friends and Family: Social and Financial Consequences.

• National Network to End Domestic Violence (2023). About Financial Abuse.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (2022). Financial Abuse Facts.

• Stylianou, A. M. (2018). Economic abuse within intimate partner violence: A review of research. Violence and Victims, 33(1).

• Adams, A. E., et al. (2008). Development of the Scale of Economic Abuse. Violence Against Women, 14(5).

• Orman, S. (n.d.). Abundance is about being rich, with or without money. DebtFreeDr.

• Verywell Mind (2023). How to Shift from a Scarcity Mindset to an Abundance Mindset.

• Behavioral Economics Research (2020–2023). Mindset and Financial Decision-Making.

Malene Brissett is a wife, mother, and advocate for equity who writes as her own form of therapy. She holds a Master’s degree in Public Health and a Bachelor of Science in Psychology, blending research with storytelling to spark conversations that matter. She prides herself on being with the women, for the women—bringing equity and understanding to underserved communities.